Saturday, May 8, 2010

What does your town say about you?

This area I live in is a hard area to get ones foot in the door. What door you may ask. Any door. The people here grew up together, went to preschool together. They had kids together. They don't talk to new comers. They are a click. The sad thing is, I am not sure if they even know it. I have had numerous moms not let me ride on a field trip with them. They have told me their vehicle was full (when it wasn't), or they weren't driving so they couldn't say yes, or just not even offered a ride..... even though I was standing right there asking who was going and who was staying. One time on a field trip I was talking to another mom. All of a sudden she stopped talking and said, "You aren't from here are you?" "No", I replied caught off guard, "How did you know?" "Because you are talking to me," she said, "I am not from here either. Normally no one comes up to me." Wow, this whole time I thought it was ME. I have noticed that the people that I know now, are all transplants like I am. They moved here or married someone from here. We outsiders have a common bond. Another mom told me, "Occasionally 'they' let me peek inside the circle....but not often." Yesterday that same mom told me their house was on the market. You're moving? "Yes", she said. "I have GOT to get out of here. These people are so unfriendly." This saddened me greatly. In my selfishness I hope they stay. Although I understand completely. The next time you see someone sitting alone at a sports event or school function, walk over and say hello. Meet someone new. Who knows, you could even make a new friend.

10 comments:

Carolina Mama said...

Bless your heart. I am so sorry that people are like that. I still remember Paul McCartney's song "People are the same wherever you go.!" And sometimes that is true too. I would love to live closer and visit! Just remember people like that limit themselves... etc. That birthday cake looked great! :)

Anonymous said...

A group of us moms (some transplants and some not) were having a similar conversation on Thursday at MPES. There was a mixed view. Some felt that locals have the added responsibilities of extended family especially in caretaking roles which gives them less time to spend in developing new relationships. Some transplants didn't feel like a transplant at all. And some felt like their leaving town for all the holidays and down time kept them from developing relationships when others who stay put have the same down time.

Remember even locals have people do the same to them. I've had that same "field trip" experience and it's just people who are too busy to think about someone else's feelings. I'm certain we're all guilty of that at some point or another.

Hang in there and know you're not alone. Joshua 1:9

Bonnie

Shannon said...

Bonnie, I guess the icing on the cake was the Raleigh trip. Where the church moms rode together and didn't include me. I really wanted to go, but didn't want to drive alone. Now I just expect nothing so I don't get my feelings hurt. The new moms are awesome, they know what I am feeling. I am talking about trips and functions at school. About talking to parents at a sports event and having them get up and change seats. It is just me since Landon works all the time. Just me sitting there alone, just me at everything. It gets lonely.

Cliff said...

I know every community has their groups but this does sound a bit over the top.
We have one community in our county like that. Thankfully not ours. Even the locals there tell you that if you're not of a certain nationality, your business won't survive. Your name must end with a ..son.
If we were there you couild sit and ride with us.
We've been busy. The corn is all up but I think we might have had frost this morning.
We're about half way thru the bean planting.

Shannon said...

Oh no Cliff, so sorry about the frost. We have the opposite problem, it is in the ground but it hasn't rained. Hubs is finished with corn planting and now planting early beans.

raising4boys said...

That's not fun at all. We have lived in our new neighborhood for 10 months now and I too feel the clicks of some mom's. Not for the same reasons though, it's a new neighborhood. I like your advice to be the one to walk over and say hello. We have to be the outgoing one and be a friend first.

Nancy M. said...

Wow, I've never thought of adults having clicks like teens do! That's terrible of them to treat people that way, especially in the church. They must not be Christian!

Elizabeth said...

Good reminder to me to go out of my way and welcome others.
I am a transplant in my area, and it took me a LONG time to feel at home too.

Sheila said...

I also married into the community 30 years ago and I know that what you say is true. Sad, but true. One of the first questions is usually around did I graduate from here. When the answer is no it seems they assume we must not have much in common. As adults we should have alot in common because we have been through the years with our children in school together. I see what you mean even at church. During fellowship time we always stand near the door and try to speak to everyone. Of course, it is the same hand full that actually take the time to have a conversation. Oh well, life is too short and wonderful to let it define who I am.

Marel Lecone said...

Me being not from here, I'm always making new friends. I find here in NY that most people are really good. They find me shockingly friendly. If these ladies don't feel you, you are probably better without them. I will pray that someone will come along that you will be able to relate to and vice-versa. Keep on reaching out, God will bless you.